In a spectacular finale that can only be described as a tragicomic twist of fate, U.S. soccer sensation Megan Rapinoe bowed out of her illustrious career with a bang—quite literally, as she went down with what she believes to be a torn Achilles just six minutes into the National Women’s Soccer League Championship final against Gotham FC on Saturday.
Despite the gut-wrenching injury, Rapinoe managed to keep her sense of humor intact, or at least that’s what she claims. In a post-match press conference that could only be described as a blend of stoicism and sarcasm, Rapinoe declared she would be seeking the “Aaron Rodgers treatment” for her Achilles woe. Whether this involves summoning the football gods or simply consulting with the surgeon who worked magic on the Green Bay Packers quarterback remains to be seen.
The irreverence didn’t stop there. In a moment that could only be described as a divine diss, Rapinoe, who professed herself as “not a religious person or anything,” boldly asserted, “If there was a god, like, this is proof that there isn’t.” One can only imagine the heavens collectively facepalming at the audacity of a mere mortal questioning divine existence after a career-ending injury.
Describing the moment of her non-contact Achilles catastrophe, Rapinoe painted a vivid picture: “Just a huge pop and I can’t even feel where the Achilles is, but pretty sure I tore my Achilles. The worst possible outcome.” Despite the grim prognosis, Rapinoe, ever the optimist, thanked her lucky stars for her “deep well of a sense of humor.” Because, you know, there’s nothing funnier than bidding adieu to a storied career within the first six minutes of a championship final.
The soccer star’s curtain call was not without its poignant moments, though. Before hobbling off the field, Rapinoe shared a tearful embrace with former USWNT teammate Ali Krieger, who happened to be playing for the opposing Gotham FC in her own farewell match. It’s almost as if the soccer gods decided to balance out the cosmic scales with a sprinkle of bittersweet symmetry.
NEW: Woke soccer player Megan Rapinoe says there is no way God could possibly exist because she got hurt while playing soccer.
In the last game of her career, Rapinoe got injured six minutes into the match.
In a post-game press conference, she said she didn’t “deserve” to be… pic.twitter.com/jxCRx7Zkec
— Collin Rugg (@CollinRugg) November 13, 2023