#DANKBrandon Trends After Biden’s Pot-tober Surprise

With the 2022 midterms only a few weeks away, the American populace has been on the lookout for the inevitable and infamous “October Surprise”:  A politically-seismic event that could shape the electoral contest to come in an unexpected way.

Many likely believed that this year’s “surprise” would come in the form of charges being filed against Donald Trump by the Justice Department.  But, as one delves only slightly deeper into that subject, it becomes obvious that such a move would enrage the MAGA faithful at a far more efficient rate than it would prod fence-sitters to the left.

And so, instead, the Democratic Party decided to pivot from “Dark Brandon” to “Dank Brandon”.

President Joe Biden on Thursday granted a pardon to all people convicted of simple marijuana possession under federal law, in what amounts to the most extensive White House action taken to date on U.S. drug policy.

The president also urged governors to take similar action for state offenses of civil possession of marijuana. In addition, he called on the Secretary of Health and Human Services and the Attorney General to “expeditiously” review how marijuana is scheduled under federal law. Currently, marijuana is classified as a Schedule I narcotic, meaning it’s deemed to have no medical use and a high potential for abuse. Heroin and LSD are other Schedule I drugs.

“Sending people to prison for possessing marijuana has upended too many lives and incarcerated people for conduct that many states no longer prohibit,” Biden said in a statement. “Criminal records for marijuana possession have also imposed needless barriers to employment, housing, and educational opportunities. And while white and Black and brown people use marijuana at similar rates, Black and brown people have been arrested, prosecuted, and convicted at disproportionate rates.”

Biden also pushed for the federal government to initiate a re-examination of how marijuana is “scheduled” within the legal system, which many took to be a very distinct indication that widescale decriminalization could be on the horizon.

The news had Twitter users aflutter.

The move is a rare one, as it draws praise from both the far left and the far right, with liberal radicals and libertarians in near-agreement on the issue of legal weed.