USA Successfully Tests WILD New Weapon as WWIII Looms

As we look around the world today, we see a planet consumed by violence and terror.  In every corner of this place, we are confronted with evil and selfishness and a general sense of impending dread the likes of which only a handful of our ancestors have experienced, and none with access to Twitter to keep the doom-scrolling fresh.

And in this horrifying new world, it has become shockingly apparent that the United States may not be on top of the high-tech military dogpile any longer on account of China and Russia’s successful hypersonic missile tests.  (North Korea claims to have them as well, but you never really know with those yahoos).

But this week, all that changed…and not a minute too soon.

The United States successfully tested two Lockheed Martin Corp hypersonic missiles recently, the Pentagon said on Wednesday, amid growing concerns Russia and China have had more success developing their own hypersonic weapons.

The U.S. Air Force confirmed it successfully tested its Air-Launched Rapid Response Weapon (ARRW) booster on Tuesday off the California coast. Reuters reported the ARRW test earlier on Wednesday in which the booster was carried aloft under the wing of a B-52H before it was launched. In previous tests, the weapon did not detach from the plane.

The company was quick to take a subtle victory lap.

“This second successful test demonstrates ARRW’s ability to reach and withstand operational hypersonic speeds, collect crucial data for use in further flight tests, and validate safe separation from the aircraft,” Lockheed said in a statement.

The technology represents a rather terrifying new plateau for weapons that could end the world, with these missile capable of reaching speeds upward of 3,800 miles per hour.  That would allow one of these bad boys to be fired from Philadelphia at noon and reach Vladimir Putin before his afternoon nap.