Sometimes, you just have to tell it like it is. Give the people what they want, and bludgeon them with the sort of headline that leaves nothing to the imagination while completely stimulating their imagination.
And where else could a story like this one occur, other than in the Sunshine State.
A Central Florida woman accused of running around outside a Publix store with a pitchfork and a black whip, while trying to sell teddy bears, was arrested Tuesday afternoon, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.
The incident happened shortly after 2 p.m. at the Publix on North Hancock Road in Clermont.
According to an arrest report, a trooper saw a woman, later identified as Lisa Anne Slone, 56, of Ocoee, yelling and waving the pitchfork and whip outside the grocery store’s main entrance and handcuffed her after she refused to stop.
Apparently, this enthusiastic entrepreneur was there conducting business.
The trooper spoke with the store manager who said Slone was reportedly trying to sell teddy bears behind the store, and at some point, she started to yell and run around with the pitchfork and the whip, and stabbed a man’s minivan, causing damage.
And, unsurprisingly:
The trooper said the woman appeared to be “highly intoxicated on some sort of stimulant drug.” Slone reportedly told law enforcement “she felt no pain anymore and that God was in control.”
The woman was arrested for assault, and thanks to the pitchfork’s involvement, they tacked on “with a deadly weapon” to the charge as well before bagging and tagging the farm tool as evidence.
